Desperation
I took a good look in the mirror of my soul the other day and didn't like what I saw. I realized that I had become comfortable. Worse then that, I had become accustomed to my idea of God to the point of apathy. I guess I was hungry for God, maybe I was thirsty, but it was a hunger and a thirst I knew I was allowed to have. It didn't consume me, it didn't seriously affect the way I thought or lived. I was just wanting God because thats what Christians are "supposed" to do. I could still desire God and not cry out to Him on a daily basis, I could still want God and not have an active prayer life, I could still be chasing after God and not be reading my Bible. Right? No matter how hard I tried there was no way to justify my apathy. I needed a change. I used to tell myself I hated coasting but yet here I was- kick, push, coast - like clockwork. Something had to change.
I realized that what I was searching for was a sense of desperation. I needed to be desperate. I took a look at my life, I'm not in any obvious danger, I don't have a life threatening illness, I'm employed and my finances could use some help, but whose couldn’t? It seemed that I was rationalizing my desperation for God based upon the circumstances in my life. If things weren't going up inflames around me and I wasn't on the verge of death then that desire that I know I needed to have ended up fading away. The red flags went up and I came to the conclusion that I was thinking too highly of myself. I was reminded of what Paul says in Romans 3:23,
“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins.”
Coming back to this fundamental truth reminded me that we are all sinners and no matter how things look on the outside at our core we are constantly in need of a savior. I felt at a crossroads like the rich young ruler in Matthew 19, I could either stay in my comfort, stick to just doing what I’m accustomed and to doing and coast my way into the kingdom, or be desperate and do something daring. I chose the latter and decided to follow the example of desperate people all throughout Scripture.
I thought about what desperation looks like in the Gospels. The Paralyzed mans friends lowering him through the roof so that Jesus would heal him, the woman with the issue of blood, pressing throughout the crowd just to get a touch of the hem of Jesus’ garment, a Roman official racing to ask Jesus to heal his sick child, the blind man screaming at the top of his lungs begging Jesus to come his way, a Father sending His only Son, perfect and blameless, into the world to die so that he could be in relationship with us. Those examples are filled with desperation and desire. Yes, those individuals needed a change which helped fuel the desperation, but why couldn't I cultivate that desire on a daily basis? I desire to be desperate for Jesus just as He is desperate for us. I don't want to need Him when I need something but I want to constantly be aware of my need for Him on a daily basis. I don't want to just coast. I want to desire Christ daily. I want my life to reflect that.
I've realized that desperate people are willing to sacrifice something. Before posting this I fasted. Not saying this to brag or say look at me, but to encourage you to be desperate for God again. If you find that is a need for you, you may have to kick it into high gear by sacrificing something. If this post resonated with you at all, if you feel the need to abandon complacency and mediocracy in your Walk with God, if you want to be desperate, I challenge you to take the first step, any step, do something daring, do something different, dare to be desperate.
These posts are meant to encourage, challenge, equip and inspire and help us to realize our regality in Christ.
Roderick III, Regality Realized